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Everybody wants a piece of you.
And if you’re like most women, you give it up, dividing your energy into slices that others can devour like pieces of pizza. Until the only you that’s left is a burnt-out shell of a person. Sound familiar?
Women are nurturers, we’re wired to take care of others and the world is a better place for it. But there’s actually a way that you can be good to yourself while taking care of others. That’s right...you can have your pizza and eat it too.
If you’ve ever traveled by plane, you’ll know that the flight attendant instructs, in the event of an emergency, that you place your own oxygen mask on before your child’s. A suffocating parent is useless. Do the same when you're not on a plane.
When we take care of ourselves, we renew our spirits and gain positive energy to give to others. Men possess an admirable ability to grasp this concept. And if you haven’t had the better sense to do so yet, ladies, I challenge you to mirror what men have been doing since the first stick-rubbed fire.
It’s not selfish to honor what you need to do in order to survive.
Let’s cut the process down to its bare bones. Where do you start? How can you begin to focus on yourself when so many people need you?
Reality Check #1 – They’ll get over it.
Learn to say no. Our earth will continue to spin on its axis if you’re one load of laundry behind, if you’re child cuts up her own strawberries, or if you say no to the PTO. This I can promise you.
Think about what brings you closest to your center. What did you love to do when you were a kid, before you found out about what you’re supposed to do, what you're expected to do. Hair stylists often describe how they’ve been 'doing hair' their entire lives. The career found them. This is where you want to be.
My cousin, Karen, has enjoyed hosting guests since she was a kid. I can still hear the squeal in her voice over the telephone when she found out that my family was coming over. On occasion, during a sleep-over, she’d make a concession and allow me to crack an egg for a pancake breakfast. She loved managing that damn kitchen and still does. Some chics like jewelry, Karen likes linens. I’m proud to say that, now, two kids later, twenty-something years later, she has started her own culinary business, Her sweet treats are so ridiculously attractive, you’d rather take a picture of them than eat them.
Karen is honoring what brings her closest to her center.
Oddly enough, since the age of ten, I have been playing with language. When assigned a story to write, I silently cheered. I would edit for hours in my 70's green-carpeted living room, revising sentences until the story's rhythm was just right. My sixth grade teacher shared with our class that someday I would become an author. It took me twenty two years of rebellion to, finally, come back to her voice and, more importantly, to my own.
There is a voice calling you to listen. Don’t ignore it. Find your center and take small steps. If you’ve always loved painting, don’t beat yourself up because you don’t have the financial resources to start your own gallery. Keep it simple. Buy a set of acrylics and paint a landscape. Display your work at a local festival and see where that takes you. Don’t focus on the end, focus on the joy of your journey.
Reality check #2 – Being patient with yourself means that you will follow your joy despite its obstacles.
Patience has been difficult for me. I’m a sprint runner. I like things fast, like yesterday. I’d rather prune my rosebush than go to Disney, no lie. The lines make me crazy, along with the ever-present characters that wave and smile, oblivious to the heat and lunacy of so many rides and tired kids.
But the publishing industry is anything but fast, nor is it willing to take a chance on sheer talent. Like most businesses, money is the driving force and, unless you’re a celebrity, you will need to wait in line to be recognized. A long line. A Disney-long line. Just shoot me now.
Reality Check #3 - The best things in life are not only free, they take time.
My hope is that you will allow yourself the will and patience required to honor your center, your best self. Dig back through the fondest of your childhood memories and freeze that snapshot. What was it that made you enjoy life the most?
If you don’t remember who you are, I promise you, no one else will.
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True Amy, and as mothers we seem to push our dreams so deep, that our own dreams become just a memory of a dream we once had... It's like the saying, "Don't stop to smell the roses, stop and smell all the flowers." Thanks Amy, definately food for thought to us women..
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