How My Mind is Like the Milky Way

It's Friday, the sun is shining, and today I've decided to write an unfiltered blog on what's been on my mind lately. Imagine a galaxy of stars and dust and heavenly bodies orbiting through space in their own tidy paths. The overall picture spins like a kaleidoscope, with patterns of vibrant color and changing shape. And yet, amidst the chaos, somehow, there is order. Details come together to form a larger picture and, though it's hard to see with the naked eye, there is purpose.

That's pretty much my brain in a nutshell lately.

If I could surgically remove my scalp, set it down like a baseball cap on the counter, and give my brain a massage, I seriously would do it. Alright, that's gross. And I'm not even a horror writer. See what happens when my writing is unfiltered? So much for stream of consciousness techniques. Come on back.

There are stories, web designs, trips, characters, and conflicts swirling through my head, all of which crave a piece of me. After spending numerous nights sipping wine and doing what writers do best - imagining how I will tackle all of these fine issues or, less nobly, shooting my characters up with problems worse than mine - I've decided to take the higher road, and grab the beast by its collar. Or at least lasso his four-headed creepy self back in. (I'm not a fantasy writer either).

The rest of this blog shall serve as my list - but not so much a to-do list, as a contractual agreement with my noteworthy and rebellious companion: that would be me.

I'm the kind of person who means what I say and says what I mean. I'm both honest and fierce when it comes to taking a stand for what I value, regardless of whom I may piss off along the way. If you happen to be someone who has been on the receiving end of my humble and differing opinion, know that I probably still love you, even though I will not change my mind for you. Keep on being you, I'll keep on being me and, like the galaxy that has hijacked my head, everything will spin back into place.

Another digression, differences. But...you know what? This one is too important to ignore. It came to me for a reason, like a solar eclipse that can only be viewed at nine p.m. It's an issue that has a short window of writing opportunity. Be it unprecedented, the time to write on this issue is now!

Respecting differences. Why is it so difficult for some to respectfully disagree?

Oh sure, you're rubbing your chin,telling yourself that your job requires it, and you do it all the time. Your boss has even penned you the nickname, R.D., a.k.a, Respectful Disagreer. I'm not convinced. Wake up and smell the atrociously strong Starbucks.

It's much harder to respectfully disagree with those whom you love because we feel the safest with our lovers. We want to take off our masks and just be who we are. We don't want to try so hard. We crave acceptance, tolerance, love.

If you're keeping the very professional and stable mask on with your partner, you're probably hosting a new set of issues (in which we'll save for a different blog). Your relationship with those you love - unlike Charlie at the copy machine's - depends upon your ability to respectfully disagree. Think I'm hinting at couples? families? Hmm...you know me too well...

Through my work at the Beginning Years Family Network, I've researched, read about, written about, and blathered on about creating loving relationships within one's home. It's something I value, and I'm willing to take a stand on it. There's nothing more fulfilling than love. So why do we make it so complicated?

For lack of sound facts, I blame the planets.

And seeing as my mind has been hanging out with them, allow me to sort through the galactic mess and simplify for you.

First of all, please erase from your mind a cliche that has become as worn out as Bill Clinton's cigar case (sorry, freudian slip). That is: Agree to Disagree. Don't do it. Agreeing to disagree is simply an insiduous code for I'm right, you're wrong, and let's sweep this under the rug. It's darn slick but will do nothing for your relationship.

If you can honestly say that what has been swept under the rug does not come oozing back to haunt you like the ghost of your flaws-past, read no further.

If, however, you're one of us living in the real world (I realize I'm questionable here) you probably know that what comes around goes around, and eventually needs to be reconciled. But how?

By negotiating.

Don't agree to disagree, agree to listen respectfully, even though you don't - and may not ever - share the same opinion as your bruised lover.

One of my best friends lives her life with the mantra every head is a different world' and I couldn't agree with her more - even when I don't agree with her.

We all possess a unique blend of beliefs, motivations, and talents. Pool your differences and create your own brand of love! I can promise you it won't be perfect but at least you'll both own it. Attach this disclaimer: All opinions will be included. Not responsible for disrespect. Criticism will be banned from conversation.

There's a way to listen and convey the attitude - "I love and respect you even though I don't share your point of view" and there's a way to listen and convey, "You are a complete idiot for thinking this way. I will never agree with you and I think you're a loser for your thoughts." Sound harsh? I'm guessing that some of you have been there. Let's just say we're wiser at forty, right?

I can sense the skeptics knocking on my tired brain. "But what if your point of view is so far detached, that there is no possible way of finding common ground?" I hear you, loud and clear. And I say this to you.

If you have managed to listen respectfully, you've already fueled your relationship with loving energy that very likely will command compromise. The act of respectful listening is a natural aphrodisiac to a relationship. If you can manage a joke, a bit of humor, you've scored even higher.

But still...you've done all of the above and can't get things rolling?

Tap into that intuitive place inside of you. Are you completing yourself first and foremost or demanding that your partner completes you? Are you tolerating the intolerable or expecting to have things your way at all costs? If both of you can give on ten percent of what's in your head, you've made progress.

If one of you simply can't give at all on an issue, suck it up - and this is a big IF -there are enough occasions when your partner has also 'sucked it up' in respect for what's in your head. There are just as many reasonable instances for both of you to stand stale-mate as there are occasions to compromise on. Respect both.

When decisions are made with your lens focused on 'the relationship' in lieu of 'me, myself, and I' - you will get back so much more than you bargained for. Wait. Have I just subconsciously plagiarized Michael Buble's song - 'I Just Haven't Met You Yet' (Sidebar - Why hasn't Michael met anyone yet? I mean, seriously, if he can't manage to get it right, then who can?)

You can, that's who!

Alright, I'm feeling better already, having tackled one floating writing object. Now, it's time to buckle down with my contract. First on the agenda, 'Shameless Self-Promotion'.

Hmmm...I'm thinking of putting our relationship - Writer/Reader - ahead of my boring contractual needs. I'll tackle the mundane parts of my career tonight, over a glass of wine.

And I promise to choke collar that wild imagination of mine.

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Thanks for listening to me rant. If I have touched you somehow, do post a comment and let me know. After all, it is you - the reader - who inspires me to keep on writing.